Sunday, November 1, 2009
it's a wonder how time slips past, ever so often, unnoticed.
As the first buckets of November rain continue to pour outside, i sit pondering; trying to arrive at some form of revelation as to how the last 10 months had slipped by without me achieving any tangible difference in my life. At this point, i'm pretty sure many are readying their stones to haul them at the SAF for quote-wasting two years of thier life-unquote. True to the high-flying youths of today's society; the 2years national service stint would thus, mean little in the course of their academic pursuits and careers. Yet this time, i'm left with a nagging doubt that it wasn't a lack of relevance in what i did but rather a lack of initiative in what then i could have done(but didn't) that is at fault here. Unfortunately so, since pro-activeness really isn't one of my fortes in which case a dose of the entrepreneural spirit would have been necessary which ultimately is the problem, isn't it? There's no such remedy. So what then could be a viable solution since courage and strive comes off as more inate than acquired.
At this point, it might seem this sudden bout of self-doubt is displaced but people who know will understand it stems from a deep-seated confliction which i can't seem to get over. Do I simply dive into the deep end of the pool and then kick like mad to stay afloat? Or perhaps a third party could be employed to literally nudge me in?
So many questions that need answers yet i keep digging up more questions than i answer them.
On a brighter note, the festive mood is upon us as we finally get a gleams of the finishing line. The end of ORD training brought much malice amongst us as we contrived on ways to sabotage the preceding batch of ORD personnels with 'safer and more effective' approaches towards training. A bunch of wolves draped in sheep's clothing if i may say. But then again, they're probably more deserving of such treatment than i can assert.
Two years. Just like that.
Time and tide truly waits for no man.
me
- 1:10 PM
Monday, October 19, 2009
having diarrhoea is NOT fun.
having diarrhoea for 3 days is DEFINITELY NOT fun.
having diarrhoea for 3 days AND 3 freaking nights is ABSOLUTELY, DEFINITELY NOT FUN.
Fever's gone down, aches gone away but the diarrhoea is RELENTLESS.
I know; i'm whining but I've only been to the toilet for like 2dozen times today.
AND I'm downing drugs like a med-junkie.
only, the meds don't seem to be working its magic.
Arghh...
ORD training in 2days.
Wonder how i'm gonna get through in this condition.
YAYE for me...
Life...
again. what can i say?
me
- 12:27 AM
Thursday, October 15, 2009
well;
if i could say thank you ten thousand times over i would have done it too.
I'm glad i was invited. The surprise was well worth the effort since it yielded, albeit unexpectedly, much needed relief for me; recent events kept knocking me off my feet and i was getting exhausted.
So for being the ears that i needed so much;
For interjecting with the appropriate 'tsks' and 'ahhs' to let me know that you understand;
For the heartwarming quote aforementioned;
I thank you; both of you.
Unexpected returns;
Life's full of twist and turns.
It brings you down then pulls you back up just to bring you down again.
Consequences don't always seem apparent in the moment.
But in time, be it a day, year or decade, it always comes to light.
Past mistakes keep coming back to haunt me.
Been walking in the shadows that which my mistakes had casted.
Feeling despondent and lost.
Hate that i'm not in better control of my emotions.
Gotta break free; somehow.
Yes.
I'm morose and angsty;
So what?
And dang do i have to be glued to gossip girl.(if you know what i mean)
me
- 1:48 PM
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Normally, i prefer using words rather than a slew of photos to express my thoughts. But at times, words fail and i find myself at wit's end raking my brain for proses to convey my thoughts to paper.
Of course, it could just be a lack of aptitude or that my fluency isn't up to scratch.
But then, such times often illustrate that where words seem to fail, a picture can paint a thousand words in its place.
me
- 8:53 AM
Monday, September 28, 2009
Happy Birthday.
I hope that time has not, and never will, wear down your soul.
A relationship is like the ebb and flow of the tide.
Residing and advancing; back and forth. An intimate dance through hardship and joy.
We tend to forget how truly precious a well worn out relationship is, be it friendship, kinship or courtship. At times, taking for granted its durability and presence.
'We only treasure what we do not have'
An adage overused to the point of being trite.
But still we do not learn from our past mistakes.
I actually think it impossible, even with the foretold knowledge of a painful regret upon loss.
Perhaps we are programmed that way.
And i suppose that its fine the way it is;
C'est la vie;
That's just the way the cookie crumbles.
me
- 11:33 PM
Thursday, September 24, 2009
me
- 10:09 PM
Monday, September 21, 2009
Back from my first ever Diving trip to Pulau Dayang.
Miles of sea as far as the naked eyes can take in;
Crystal blue waters which incites every city-dweller who hasn't seen such clarity in sea water. (no amount of foretelling can quite prepare one for it)
The blazing sun which should have been uncomfortable, if not for the cool sea breeze constantly blowing along the sandy beach;
Such a refreshing change to the concrete jungle that we have become so accustomed to.
Diving.
My initial apprehension of drowning underwater quickly gave way to the complete awe of being in the deep blue; seeing first hand what should have belonged in last month's issue of Scuba Diver popping up in life technicolor - that was amazing.
I'm in love with diving. Words fail.
140km/hr.
The speed utilised by an average Malaysian driver, in thick fog and towards oncoming traffic, to overtake other drivers.
Its no wonder why accidents happen so frequently.
Less than 48hours.
The amount of time it took for all the inner peace i accumulated during the trip to abandon me.
Reality has cruel ways to remind one of its presence. I shall not delve into specifics lest i bore.
Life really isn't peachy.
Yaye for me.
Many thanks to JunHowe whose hasty approach in liaising with the diving instructor(and basically everything else) ensured the success of our trip.
I ought to take a leaf from his book.
Platoon 'Cohesion'.
To have a platoon cohesion highlight the extend of our incohesiveness;
I can tell you, the irony is not lost on me.
Animosity runs deep in the veins of our platoon.
The line drawn between enemies is so apparent that i see no reason behind having a cohesion.
You would think guys would have less trouble with petty issues. But APPARENTLY not.
The elephant in the room gets harder and harder to ignore with each passing moment.
It's getting impossible to turn a blind eye to it.
Perhaps its time to act upon it...
God help me.
me
- 12:55 PM