End of LEAVE.

• Booking-in in approx 30mins time for tomorrow's duty.
• I'm physically and emotionally exhausted which kind of defeats the whole purpose of the leave.
• There's so many loose ends untied yet time isn't on my side. i really hate to leave it as it is even though there's not much i can do.
• I got hooked onto the NX machine. Can't stop splurging on it.
• Halloween Fest. at the Night Safari with jeanna, kes, alvin, zoe, sinyan. Photos coming.
• Womanizer. cool vid..or actually quite the opposite.
• Open House at Istana tomorrow. The long absence from work is definitely going to make being a statue that much harder.
• Life's like that (:
  

Halloween Fest.

Vindicated

i cried, i got over it.

There's no point in explanation because yall are just gonna deny it. Hell, yall may not even know it yourself. I'm done mobing.

If it means so little to yall, then i'm done struggling too. i'm gonna be selfish. i'm choosing to protect myself.

It sucks that i care so much, even now. But i'm a fast learner. It doesn't mean i'm not gonna care, just a hell lot lesser.

Increase the rate and it can quite possibly become a pasttime. I HATE assumptions.

Stepping Stone

I must say i'm pretty proud of myself. Today i went to NUS to hangout with Jeanna and SinYan and this other guy whose name i've momentarily forgotten=/

For the past few months, i have avoided NUS like it was some form of plague. Dodging all signs which may suggest its existence; fleeing at the mere mention of its name. I was, as Jeanna reminded, 'allergic to University'. I chose to live in false pretence and ignorance because it was the only 'short term' method to escape the pain and dread.

Everyone's opinion of my situation is vastly different but mine, unfortunately for me, causes much grieve. i'm not being pessimistic, just realistic.

All along i knew it was a short term solution. Especially when the non mention of university in any gathering is close to impossible, what with the girls current study in university; I can't be avoiding gatherings as well, that is certain. i was perhaps just waiting for the right moment- for acceptance.

I wasn't very sure that i was ready to embrace it yet but i took a risk- afraid that others would grow tired of my negativity.

Hence when the opportunity came knocking, i jumped at it in an instant. I needed to test myself. And it wasn't half as bad as i thought...thanks to Jeanna. For suggesting that we met at her school knowing my slight reluctance; for having taken me on the long tour by foot in the slight drizzle at my request. Perhaps the company and the chatting made it that much easier to accept. i had locked up the pain and grieve for so long only to find out i've lost the key. Cheers to me making a full recovery(:

oh and i fell AGAIN going down steps. what is wrong with me and stairs this year?!

Had dinner with Johnson later in the evening at JEC which is closing down for renovation in a few days time. Does it not feel that our usual haunts, where our memories linger always have to be destroyed?...GINZA now JEC. hmm strange

Communication

Yael Naem- new soul


i'm a new soul, i came to this strange world

hoping i could learn a bit about how to give and take

but since i came here, felt the joy and the fear

finding myself making every possible mistake

-------------------------------------------------

see, i'm a young soul in this very strange world

hoping i could learn a bit about what is true and fake

but why all this hate? try to communicate

finding trust and love is not always easy to make

-

Lesson Learnt

Communication and understanding is quintessential in any forms of relationship. Communication being the bridge between perception and understanding. Without proper communication, what people perceive will be affected by assumptions made only second nature to any human being. Flaws in an equation of the works.

Henceforth, without a clear perception of things, misunderstanding arises inevitably leading to other complications(anger, disappointment, resentment, regret, hatred etc...) If communication is what relationships are build upon then a lack of communication is the weak foundation that can never provide enough stability for other 'structures' to be build upon. In this case being love, trust, faith, comfort, security and other luxuries of sort.

i'm still learning. i made a mistake of raising uncertainty and ambiguity in hopes of satisfying both parties. How foolish i was. i am sorry for the disappointment i caused in extinguishing the hopes that i have so cruelly, yet unknowingly, lit. and the grudge you must feel for having your efforts gone unappreciated. alas, i AM at fault.

i do SEE your effort. if i have not openly expressed my appreciation, it is because i am 'not proficient' at expressing such feelings(bluntly put). As you would already have known and experienced countless times, i am much more acquainted at projecting an aura of nonchalance which is so often misunderstood for non interest or ungratefulness. if for a second that you assumed i'm uninterested or ungrateful then i sincerely hope this would make things clearer. it hurts to be wrongly accused by others of being uninterested so i do want you to know that i am grateful and appreciative of what you have done. i will, in some way, make it up to you. i hope this clears things up a bit.

constant change

I resent change; having my carefully assembled pieces thrown into chaos. Dislike anything that causes this delicate balance to tilt precariously (i'm a libra...duh). Yet more often than not, i find myself on the receiving end of such predicament. Flustered- desperately picking up the pieces of my broken puzzle. Trying, no doubt in vain, to regain this balance before the next wave comes toppling over.

I realise i need a foothold; a constant. Something that i can be sure of that wouldn't succumb to this 'changing' madness. A float keeping me abreast so i wouldn't drown in this tidal storm. God i hope i find it before i descend into depression and ruins.

Being alone sets me pondering. And i was alone the whole day. Go figure.

Spend most of my morning reading New Moon. Went BBDC in the afternoon to apply for my PDL. Had to queue for an hour and a half but never mind, i'm one step closer to getting my driver's license. Can't wait to finally settle in the driver's seat (:
A sudden downpour in the evening put me off my plans to go running. At the rate its going, i'm gonna pile on faster than i can say "i'm growing fat".

I'm resentfully 19. One more year and i'll hit the big 2! tell me its not happening. A BIG thanks to everyone who has played a part- ALL well wishes(verbal and text); wall notes; phone calls; birthday cards- you've all made my birthday a happier one(:
thanks bw, zoe and mad for putting in the effort to msg at 12 midnight;
mad and becca for the treat at suki and becca for the personalised card- wasn't expecting anything, definitely a pleasant surprise;
ya mon for the call all the way from australia. you're the best!! sorry i couldnt recognise your voice over the phone(:
kes for the bitch call the very night;
and jeanna for remembering even when you're sick. tC

Celebrated my birthday with mad and becca at Orchard. Got treated to suki buffet (my first time). Have to say that its better than sakae, albeit the price. Watched a really bad movie- Burn after Reading -on mad's suggestion. LOL it wasn't her fault.

That's the second consecutive movie i watched that really sucked which kinda...well suck. The first was with kester- 20th century boys. i've been watching waaay too many movies recently for my own good. i'm supposed to be saving money for my overseas trip this yr end. we've gotta stop turning to movies as the only other alternative for recreational activities. i've watched House Bunny, Painted Skin, 20th Century Boys, Burn after Reading and Connected in the past two weeks or so. my gosh...thats a lot of money.

Anyway, i've decided to have lots of aims to distract me from my apparent misery serving NS. Hopefully time passes faster with a list of things to achieve.

Movie with sr and pat.

I was first to reach The Cathay! Big shocker there cause if you know me well then you would know i'm hardly ever the first to be anywhere. Even then i was 20mins late which kinda explains how i was first then.

Anyway, i had my eyes on the toilet sign(was desperate to use the loo) when i meet por and his friend. Think he was there to watch Burn after Reading.



Ate Ben and Jerry's ice cream; caught up a bit; griped a bit about our lives and then we were off. Even though it was a rather short outing since we all had our other commitments to attend to, it was still precious time spent together. Thanks a bunch for inviting me along (pardon the intrusion)...i really appreciate it :)

Dinner at Causeway Point



Causeway Point on a friday evening is packed like a can of sardine. Good thing we booked 9 seats at Seoul Garden beforehand. Only to find out Denis ate the SAME thing; at the SAME place the day before. Buffet two nights in a row! Thanks for the sacrifice! :)



Ken, mimi, yc, yorrick, por couldn't make it. But then again, with our impossibly complicated shift work, its already a feat that the numbers could hit 7. Sacrifices were inevitable.

Settling down took quite some time. Services weren't THAT great. Some confusion here and there and oh...the nametag on one of the service crew read-STUN. nice. i was indeed -as the name goes- 'stun'. Actually it was Denis who pointed it out. LOL


The food variety wasn' that wide as compared to the Taka. branch. So we just made do with whatever they had and gobbled everything. Anyway the main point wasn't to eat but to catch up with each other, I think we did more talking than eating.


And then when everyone's eaten to their heart's content, came the doodling-with-the-food thing that we always seem to do at buffets. Here's two masterpiece:


By Irfan and Scott: Hot pot of crap! LOL!

They actually said it tasted sweet...eww gross.


And mine:


It was awesome fun to be catching up with the guys and sharing our sorrows and pain of the past 3-4 months in our seperate units. A pity SGT Benny couldnt make it. The next meeting's scheduled for mimi's and ng's birthday- some time end of nov.

Month of Sept in Pictures

COBWEBS.
i know i know...blog's dead. i've finally come around to revive it with my 3rd grade "CPR skills".

the month of september had been craaaazy, hectic and cramped with junk loads of nonsense crap. i'm about to attempt to squeeze one month's worth of craziness into a nutshell. No promises though. i'm sorry if i miss out on any events guys(and girls). here goes nothing...

25AUG MON
Dylan's birthday. i did try to get the whole gang to meet up for dinner or something but as always it was just my one-sided wishful thinking at work. can't say i didnt try huh...well i ended up buying a cute lil' donut that looked oddly like a fruit cake. it was(admittedly) a last minute decision. sorry dylan!!

30AUG SAT
Badminton with meiling qiqi peizhen michelle kester and jeanna. its a rather odd group of friends to be caught playing badminton with. but u people still rock:) thanks to kester's ingenius idea to NOT book a court on a SATURDAY, we had to settle for an open court conspicuously hidden in between some HDB flats. sorry kester, SOMEONE had to take the blame..heh alright i was joking; dont get angry.

16SEP TUE
I PASSED MY IPPT!!! OMG!! LIKE FINALLY!
No more Unit Fitness Program after live runs. Cheers!

20SEP SAT
Spend the afternoon at jeanna's cosy house with shiya terence zoe sinyan alvin kester and jane eating black pepper and not-so-spicy chilli crabs. it's the first time in a LOT of years that i've eaten crabs like that(i mostly eat those cheapo crabsticks that aren't really 100% crabmeat). it was really good except for the rashes that developed the next day...dang! i should probably keep away from seafood for the time being. i missed ope but he didnt seem to miss me...hmmm sad.

Evening was spent with the thirteens. As usual, we celebrate shan hong and sharon's birthday together every year. This year's shan hong's all important A's so we wont touch him for the time being. It's been so long since we've met. Anyway we were hoping to chill out at the HELIPAD. too bad some big shot booked the entire place for the night. Went to C Clinic instead. It was wierd to say the least. Surgical tables and wheelchair for seats. Was Happy Hours which meant drinks were one for one. Ordered 4 jugs. Yes, i got a liiiitle drunk i think. Too bad i had to leave early to book into camp. Duties duties...

28SEP SUN
Jeanna's birthday!!! The day it was decided that we would one day meet. Had duty that day. Its a bummer we couldn't properly celebrate our birthdays together this year. I can still remember the year that the three of us celebrated our birthdays with ya mon at su yin's house. That was the best:)
Nonetheless, hope you had fun during your class BBQ. Stay Close...i can't say that enough. Stay Strong too...by the time you see this, alvin should be back soon(if not back already).

1OCT WED
Hari Raya/Children's Day. My First Istana Open House duty. It was nerve-wrecking, what with all the foreigners and locals in such close proximity. I didnt even dare move my eyeballs. Got all stiff all over after that. Lots of photos taken with the "Istana Statue" that is me. Naturally, went to google my name when i got home and guess what? i found a photo of myself! woots! Everyone's a little vain inside right?

Alright i'm done for now. Like finally.

Many crazy things had happened in september that including my P.M.S. moments. P.M.S. as i have conveniently coined is my term for Periodic Melt-down Sickness.haha. Its a little like depression just that it comes on and off at unlikely moments. I'm sorry to those that have been a victim to my P.M.S.ing (esp. my mummy). its just so much things that have happened this year and so much thats been cooped up inside. i can't really explain it to anyone since its so hard for people to fully understand so i dont bother. it wasn't a single major event but so so many single minor things that fed the frustration inside. the endless weekend duties which left me mentally exhausted didnt help either. But that's all in the month of september. October's gonna be a new page and a fresh start!! i'm all geared up and set to conquer the world again...hah.