But you gave me one good reason, to fight and never walk away.
Kris Allen - No boundaries

-you only need ONE good reason to fight your way through it all-

who will not mercy unto others show, how can he mercy ever hope to have?

If the whole world subscribed by that belief maybe then we'll live in a better place.
Of course, I'm no saint myself.
But we should at least try, shouldn't we?

As of now(0000), I'm 15 days away from getting my pink i/c.
But here's the thing:
The past two years of my life i feel i've just been stalling in a room bidding my time. In a way, its a comfort and solace not having to face the imminent problem up front. But as i approach my final days, i feel i've been given the keys to unlocking the doors which have kept me in; into a future which as yet holds no significance or anticipation. And in fact a future which holds all my fears and confusion which i have not the slightest inkling to embrace. What if i'm not ready or lack the courage to move forward? For sure, I am not the least bit delusioned to think myself the better.
For most it must feel like a breath of fresh air but circumstances have placed me in a postion where freedom seem more forboding than any breath of fresh air can contain. I'm actually aversed to being freed..how more screwed up can I get?

Yet move forward i must though the question remains: Just how painful would it be?
What more, 'changing demographics' in my social circle would only spell greater emotional battles to be fought. I am inclined to think it would get worse in the forseeable future - i'd be a fool to think otherwise.
And it seems the only thing i can do is keep my eyes on the goal and ignore the painful stabs at the sides till things get better. But until then, a little understanding and tolerance would be nice because uncontrollable mood swings are bound to be plentiful and i'm terribly sorry for it.
You reap what you sow; gotta remember that forever.

Finally, exams are in commence so break a leg girls.
And to my psych cousin in her last sem, here's to getting your 2nd class uppers. Break both your legs if you have to!

the beginning of yet another month.
it's a wonder how time slips past, ever so often, unnoticed.

As the first buckets of November rain continue to pour outside, i sit pondering; trying to arrive at some form of revelation as to how the last 10 months had slipped by without me achieving any tangible difference in my life. At this point, i'm pretty sure many are readying their stones to haul them at the SAF for quote-wasting two years of thier life-unquote. True to the high-flying youths of today's society; the 2years national service stint would thus, mean little in the course of their academic pursuits and careers. Yet this time, i'm left with a nagging doubt that it wasn't a lack of relevance in what i did but rather a lack of initiative in what then i could have done(but didn't) that is at fault here. Unfortunately so, since pro-activeness really isn't one of my fortes in which case a dose of the entrepreneural spirit would have been necessary which ultimately is the problem, isn't it? There's no such remedy. So what then could be a viable solution since courage and strive comes off as more inate than acquired.

At this point, it might seem this sudden bout of self-doubt is displaced but people who know will understand it stems from a deep-seated confliction which i can't seem to get over. Do I simply dive into the deep end of the pool and then kick like mad to stay afloat? Or perhaps a third party could be employed to literally nudge me in?
So many questions that need answers yet i keep digging up more questions than i answer them.

On a brighter note, the festive mood is upon us as we finally get a gleams of the finishing line. The end of ORD training brought much malice amongst us as we contrived on ways to sabotage the preceding batch of ORD personnels with 'safer and more effective' approaches towards training. A bunch of wolves draped in sheep's clothing if i may say. But then again, they're probably more deserving of such treatment than i can assert.

Two years. Just like that.
Time and tide truly waits for no man.