5months after ORD; and yet again, i ponder.

ORD spelled freedom for most, if not all of us. But it brought forth yet another aspect of life - work. For the next 8months, while we await anxiously for the forthcoming of the 'big day' we return to school and once more don our thinking caps, most would invariably have a brief interception in the world we would come to know as 'the workforce'. While most of my peers chose to dabble with a more, shall i hazard to say, 'respectable' work(i.e. teaching, administratives in banks, offices, MNCs) , I however landed myself in the service sector where dealing with ill-mannered collegues and customers seem to be the order of the day. So why exactly did I choose this path for myself? Unfortunately, I cannot seem to arrive at a satisfactory enough reply to even answer myself. Perhaps, it had something to do with self-worth. Or it could quite simply have been my sloth getting the better of me. In any case, I am now bounded by contract which I fear to break in view of undue criticism. Somehow, I got myself into a situation which I detest more than any the Army had presented me. Funny how things work out. BUT...
In the spirit of triump through adversity, I shall persevere!
In the spirit of optimism, I shall learn something out of this horrible experience.
And as a prelude, this is what I have learnt about myself;

I, for the love of God, absolutely CANNOT multi-task. It is simply not an available function in my brain. The system is pathologically flawed!! I cannot do anything about it. When orders are coming in left, right and center, the only thing I can do is block out the wayward commands and focus solely on the one directly in front to keep from getting overwhelmed. The situation is THAT dire. And perhaps its for the same reason I cannot play sports like soccer and basketball where being aware of your surroundings is a requirement while you dribble away with the ball. Often, I find myself too engrossed in managing the ball I forget that people are closing in, both opponents and teammates. The next thing I know, the ball goes missing. If I am not made to multi-task then who am I to debase that. I rest my case.

I abhor the accusing finger directed at me. In other words, I hate to be wrong. Though to err is only human, I would be the first to graciously admit that I make mistakes on a regular basis. At times I find myself rising in self-indignation (my temper momentarily uncontrollable) to the accusations, more so if they were groundless ones. I would then proceed to dish out excuses(to myself) to soothe my guilt. But today, it occurred to me the importance of humility in accepting one's shortcomings. Learning is the gaining of wisdom through understanding. Only then can we set the stage for improving. That is not to say it is an easy feat since understanding does not necessarily equate improving(though it definitely sets a good foundation for other things to be built upon it). Because we do not live in a vacuum, so many other factors have to be brought into consideration; one's perseverance and negative externalities to name a few. But that is a whole different story unto itself and I reckon I've managed to bore most by now. So I shall spare most the pain of hearing me regurgitate yet another point of mine.
In the end, the jury is still out on this case. We can only wait and see.

Again, these are just my two pennies worth. You are welcome to disagree.

Having spent almost 4months with practically no contact or outlets to speak proper English with, I found my verbal aptitude in the language slipping by a landslide. To that I have only myself to blame, for there is no need for a reason to speak proper English, only a lack of resilience to which my current lifestyle entails. Too often I am faced with this predicament, in which the behaviour of one of my friends whom I would prefer not to mention names has elucidated - formal language tends to create formal ties. To be so 'clean and cropped' on my languange usage would be potentially damaging to the bridge of communication that I employ daily with my peers. This is simply a case of the bolt not fitting the socket. Not wishing to shake the group dynamics seem like a valid enough reason to discard any ideas to ramp up on my spoken English. Here on I face a catch-22 that is unique to my situation: Maintain a high standard of oral English and risk being 'out of the circle' or Be an 'insider' and watch my standards slide. Some would say that, as like many things in life, a balance should be struck. But to which cord should it be struck at, I ask? The reality is this, things are always easier said than done; though I do see the rationale behind the balancing act and to that end, I shall sought to find the cord to strike or die trying.
In another case, I had a friend question the authenticity of my writing only because I do not speak the way I write. No offense was taken but here I would like to mention that to speak this way would be to shut out all who do not and as part of a self-persevering species, I can only pick my fights where it can be won.

Now I do hope no one bears any ill feelings for what I have said but if you do take away some, then lets just say it's a case in point.

On the topic of written and spoken English, I do like to point out that though I have had one or two compliments on my written English, which I am extremely grateful for, I would like to illuminate the fact that though some of my writings might have come off the right way, the majority are beautiful nothings. I do sincerely wish I could weave a beautiful essay out of a single statement but the truth is, put me in an examination desk and set me a time constraint and I would have come out with a mediocre essay at best. The 'C' positioned snugly next to the GP in my cert would tell you so. I wish I knew the solution around this problem but right now I can only settle for improving a step at a time. But till then, I find that a friend of mine(yes you Mr Lim Jun Yong) does offer a pretty good gauge to a commendable utility in all facets of the English Language; thought, speech and writing. A couple of minutes at his blog would prove my point.

A friend popped me a message quite recently which got me thinking of the elitism in our society. Incidentally, I chanced upon a relevant straits times article by a former Rafflesian which egged my thought process along its way. When one talks about an elite school, some names would invariably come up; Raffles, Hwa Chong, NJ to name a few, then there is the holy trinity, H-Y-P in the USA and OxBridge in the UK. These are the promised lands of academia. Yes, the prevalence of elitism is in the evidence that brews in the thought processes of our society. They are the elites because we, as a common body, place them there because they are undeniably the best. But to what extent should we rever at their feet? Elitism isn't a bad thing if it promotes healthy competition, albeit its extremity. While at the other end of the spectrum we also know for a fact that elite schools are well known, or should I say notorious, for being a breeding ground for snobs and a sense of superiority amongst their people though lets not hasten to stereotype. I do know of examples who fall outside the cookie-cutter. My point is this, elites or not, everyone has room for improvement and the first step towards that improvement is to accept that exact fact. After that, if you manage to keep improving everytime even if they are baby-steps, the only way you can go is up.

Chances - Five for Fighting



'Chances are we'll find a new equation..'

To avoid claims of plagarism, I confess that I first chanced upon the song on the dragon's blog. Then came the recognition of an old aquaintance (the song was aired on 'The blind side') which, might i add, was worth every dollar of the movie ticket so watch it if you ever get the chance to.

I came across this quote while reading hamlet(revised) that read - 'Adolescence had changed their relationship, so that the easy familiarity of childhood had given way to a more awkward ebb and flow between them.' Won't you say this describes us to a T? hah..

As always, the month of march hasn't been all fun and laughter. I apologise if I have inundated you guys with any of my woes but come and gone it has; all that is and will be, is left in the hands of fate .

But this time tagged, is a note of finality and close on its heels, a sense of relief chasing away the cloud of anxiety that hovers in the deepest parts of my dreams. The sweet scent of freedom; ease of communication, like my conscience has been cleared of an obstruction, bears witness to it. Or perhaps it was something else I found...
only time will tell.

In any case, some updates ought to be meted out.

1)Underwaterworld/Universal Studios

Work has been an eye-opener. Getting to dabble in people relations and observing interactions between different generations, backgrounds, characters, has provided me with some sort of insight towards working life. If it's anything like what I've seen, I'd say we are pretty much screwed for life; or at least until we reach a 'mental maturity' level to start screwing someone else's life over. Oh what a bunch of self-destructing organisms we are. Not to disclaim all the kindness that I have received from the more well mannered collegues. Disconcertingly, it is to my observation that the miserable counterparts are usually those who are still single. Is this to be the fate of those who are left on the shelf?; to begrudge the happy and disdain the fortunate. What a morose and meaningless life that would be! Of course, I happen to know someone who would wholly disagree upon the aforementioned statements. But look closely, consider that love does make us softer; companionship - less lonely. Yes, I confess that I am a romantic but what is a dove without its wings?

2)Diving[2nd dive trip. Dive no. 6-10.]
Pictures. No words needed.







3)Revelations
I love havng revelations; I find it gives one insight and insight is everything when one's trying to piece together life's great puzzle. (I'm talkin about a gazillion piece puzzle here.)
And if revelations are the end product then thought is the catayst for it but with all the mess and clutter of university applications in the way, I hadn't had the mental stamina or room to house any other forms of thought. I know, I'm a dreadful mess but hopefully, with some 'extra help' I'll finally be abe to clean my act up.
And with all the applications out of the way, I'm finally able to think about other stuffs which is a blessing.

4)'You only need faith to walk on water..too' This is for you.
I read it! And I guess I should thank you for every thought, action, prayer that you have made for my well-being. You are awesome.
Whatever that you were, is inspiration.
Whatever that you are, is hope.
It shouldn't be based on practice but belief. I am certain you agree. So I am waiting for a sign. Or several tiny signs in my case. (I'll explain another time)
Slowly but surely.