100 years - Five for Fighting

15 there's still time for you.
Time to buy and time to choose.

One of the songs that has always struck a personal chord with me since I'm always lamenting about how time and tide waits for no man. I wish I could buy more time - time to choose my options; time to figure out what I want in life before it runs out on me. We've all been 15; all had our fair share of time to decide on our interest and direction in life. As we approach our quarter-lifes, I believe we will soon find that the luxury of time isn't in our court anymore and that it is time to make our choice. I just hope that when I reach mid-life, I would be able to look back and say to myself: that 'yes, I made the right decision.' Don't we all?

On the same note of making choices, a dillema has been passed into my court as of late. A choice between pursuing a degree of (almost)interest or one of practicality. Though I severely suspect I'm the first Singaporean to have been presented this dillema in light of the academic stigma which plagues our youths living in this development-centric society we call our home. Singapore or its people and government, has always prided itself on its pragmatism. To look pass the clutter and focus on what is practical, that which would aid Singapore to develop and stay in the forefront of the world stage. It is afterall, a founding quality of our forefathers and what got us to where we are today. It is in the pledge we recite "so as to achieve happiness, prosperity and progress for our nation." and ultimately, imbibed in the young minds of the generation that has and will, in the future, take over the works of our forefathers. Ironically, happiness is lumped together with(and even placed in front of) prosperity and progress for our nation; a quality I feel that has taken a backseat 'in the best interest of Singapore'. Perhaps our forefathers saw the imminent threat and problem that may arise and deliberately placed the qualities together. Afterall, who likes to think of themselves as tools in the grand scheme of things. I may have come off slightly cynical, but I meant no disrespect or illwill. There is no shame in pursuing one's interest, the government's that is. No matter, it is of one's own choice to decide our own future. No one is pointing a gun into the back of our heads to force us into a decision though quite literally, it feels like that's the case; a do-or-die sort of mentality.

I just wish I had a clearer solution in mind. One that would encompass the best of both worlds. Alas, a decision has to be made at the end of May and honestly, if you asked me, an option is better than none. Make no mistake that I thank God for delivering this miracle right into my life.

It is said that National Service turns boys into men. From this sweeping statement one would naturally assume that the experience and lessons one learns from the army is the driving force behind this radical change in one's personality. While I did personally feel a change in my psyche; in the way i think and process information and the world around me, I will not hasten to jump to any unfounded conclusions as to attribute this change solely to my 2-year Army stint. Alas, the experience I recieved during NS, albeit valuable, had as much effect on my general psyche as would a lesson on NE. Then again, I would not have given up on any one piece of experience I have had. It is, in the least, a memory to treasure and store along life's journey. That, however, isn't the point of this post, the point that I wish to make known is that what I believe to be the driving force behind this change in my personality could quite possibly be attributed to the development of rational thinking and the harsh decisions that were forcefully placed on my path to consider.

As adolescents in our early stage of life, we lack rational thinking. That's why kids are that much easier to trick, that much easier to convince, and that much easier to satisfy. In a sense, it is what innocence is made of. I guess it is partly why in the court of law, kids are sentenced to juvenile detention instead of a jail term. Kids lack rational thinking and thus, are easily suayed by peer pressure or a negative adult influence, into doing things that does not necessarily born form their own intentions. Thus far, it is my belief that we reach that maturity, when the development of the part of our brain that governs rational thinking comes into its peak, at around the time we are serving NS. The evidence of that is subtle but in abundance. For one, isn't it true that we have started questioning ourselves about everyday life experiences more so than before? And found indelibly, that we grow more dissatisfied with life each time around. Life, in our own context, may not have deprove that significantly to warrant such a radical change but yet these feelings are undeniably real. My only conclusion is that if life didn't change, then we did. Of course, this is just an assumption made by me. There is no statistics to prove like-or-otherwise.

The other factor has more to do with our immediate environment than the former. As a typical Singaporean youth, I would approximate the age one has to start making, or finally realises one is making life changing decisions for oneself to be his early twenties. This is the period that one's future prospect becomes not a distant dream but an imminent lifeline. Reality has caught up with our dreams whether we like it or not. This is the time we begin seriously examining our options with fear and anxiety; the time we chart our route in life, and the time procrastination reaches a dead end. Here on out, we face multiple crossroads, ups and downs, success and failure, hope and regret all driven by the decisions we make in everyday life. If the past 20 years of our life is the run-down to the edge of the cliff then the only step left is to take that leap of faith off the cliff. Whether we soar high above or fall down below is really up to one's aptitude and that I believe is what turns boys into men. Or for that matter, a child into an adult.

same image taken a few minutes apart,
sunset and twilight

the former. A glowing hue of silver illuminating the last few minutes of daylight as the earth, commited to its age-defined tradition, pulls away from the warmth glow of the sun.

the latter. An iridescent paintjob of an artist-by-day who had only a few seconds left to showcase his work-of-art. As the last rays of light manage to hit the horizon, a golden hue is splashed across fine lines.

Watching the last light fall beneath the horizon, it struck me how such a drastic change can occur in such deathly silence and better yet, goes unnoticed. Even for the onlooker, it wasn't something I would have saw immediately if not for the photo evidence. Like the draw of a sunflower to the light or the widening petals of a morning glory at dawn, the phase from sunset to twilight or even the drift of a relationship occur at relatively unnoticeable degrees. Which goes to show we should take notice of the little things that happen in our lifes before it is too late; when the change is done and you are left with a gaping hole, wondering when the hole was dug and how it went by unnoticed.