summer has come and past,
the innocent can never last,
wake me up when september ends.

school's out. Just like that, the first semester of university turned on its heel and sped into the past. I wish i had more time. I wish i was more prepared. I wish i could do more. But time has its limits, there's only 24hours in a day afterall. You fight like crazy to stay afloat in this storm ravaged sea and after all that has been said and done, what's left is only hope and prayers.

University...not quite what i've expected it to be. Too much responsibility. Too much expectations. Too much self-reliance. I'd be the first to admit i'm not the poster child of an independant strong individual. But hey, we all learn and cope in time. It befundles me how some, even amidst fun and games, still manage to score well. Does it truly boil down to 'smarts'. Having spend four months in our local institution, I'd say the answer is probably yes. In secondary school, even in junior college, there'd always be the 'dai(1) che(1) wei(3)"s. The equivalent of slackers and cushion-at-the -bottoms. So even when you're not putting in your 100% its ok, as awful as that makes me sound. But at university level, its a whole different ball game. When everyone is THIS hardworking, its hard fought not to panic a little. Whats unfortunate is that when everyone is on the same par in terms of hardwork, it all boils down to intellect. Who absorbs the most? Who understands the quickest? Who adapts the fastest? Its really an exemplery manifestation of darwin's theory of evolution - The strongest survive. As simple as that. As one of my more well-learned friends endearingly said, its hard to be on top when everyone here are 'long(2) de(4) chuan(2) ren(2)' which bluntly translates to the descendants of dragons. You'd soon notice frequent injections of chinese phrases and that's probably cause of the current environment i'm in and that's alright i guess. I just hope my english standards don't slide too much.

I won't deny that i do have doubts about my place in engineering. Its an awful place to be for one who isn't equipped with the 'smarts' to survive. Each step is an uphill battle and throughout the whole semester, there was a lingering thought that perhaps I belong somewhere else. Of where I can't be certain. A part of me leans toward the arts like a sunflower drawn to the sun but hey I'm no big fan of 10000word essays though i think i can probably hold my own in terms of writing. At this point, i just dont know.

Lamentations. Its all a load of crap. cest la vie.